For the longest while, I viewed time as a ball of dough -- if I needed more, I believed it would rise for me, make more room for all the things I want, need to do, all the people I wish to say yes to. Now that I have drowned in all my yes's and I can's and I will's, that dough has baked to one round loaf that needs to be divvied up with sound discretion. When I do this, I have no moments of rest or time to slow my mind and reflect. It's exhausting and tormenting, because I want to give all that I am to everything I care about and commit to. Work, volunteering, maintaining the important relationships in my life, taking care of myself, following through, writing that thank-you note, calling that insurance company, setting up that doctor appointment, and on and on and on.
I think it boils down to one thing: I want to make a positive imprint on this world and quickly, since once you see death so closely you realize it never forgets about us, and if I slow down long enough, I will begin to question what that all means.
I think it boils down to one thing: I want to make a positive imprint on this world and quickly, since once you see death so closely you realize it never forgets about us, and if I slow down long enough, I will begin to question what that all means.
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